🏆Yelling vs Coaching: The Hidden Cost of 'Motivation'
“You’ll run until I get tired if you make that mistake again.”
We’ve all heard this kind of “coaching.” Maybe it was directed at you. Maybe you’ve said it. But stop and ask yourself:
Is this actually coaching?
Coaching is the intentional development of an athlete’s performance, mindset, and character — through instruction, correction, encouragement, and strategic challenge — all aimed at helping them become more capable than they were yesterday. On and off the field.
So, which part of that statement helps a player grow?
Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden once said:
“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.”
It’s not just a feel-good philosophy. Studies show that aggressive yelling and beratement may create a short burst of compliance — but almost always at the cost of performance, confidence, and love for the game.
Athletes under aggressive coaching often play tense. They fear making mistakes more than they desire to improve. Their brains may even shut down under stress, blocking learning altogether — a neurological safety mechanism that mimics PTSD symptoms. So instead of getting better, they freeze, and make even more mistakes.
🧬 The Insight
What works for adults in movies doesn’t work for youth athletes in real life.
Aggressive yelling may look dramatic on the sidelines, but it’s counterproductive — especially if your goal is to win.
Research, experience, and common sense agree: kids don’t thrive under fear. They thrive under belief.
🥎The Story
I saw this play out in real time — and I was the one who got it wrong.
My daughter watched strike three go by without swinging. I held back my anger, but I still told her, quietly, “If you do that again, you’re going to run.”
She looked crushed. Then she had to pitch — with my comment weighing on her.
It wasn’t coaching. It wasn’t fathering. I realized it wasn’t even fair. I apologized later, but the moment had already cost her clarity and confidence.
It cost me, too.
🔄 The Shift
I’ve also seen the other side.
One girl on our team started the season barely swinging the bat. But every time she made contact — even just tipping the ball — we celebrated her progress. Slowly, her confidence grew.
In our last tournament, she stepped up, swung with purpose, and got a hit.
She didn’t need fear. She needed belief.
🧭 The Takeaway
Our job isn’t just to teach the game. It’s to teach kids to love it — and love the work it takes to improve.
If they associate mistakes with shame, they’ll stop trying. But if they see mistakes as a normal part of getting better, they’ll play free, push hard, and grow.
🏅 The Player’s Field
Mindset Move: The Bounce-Back Challenge
Great athletes don’t avoid mistakes — they recover from them faster.
This week’s challenge:
Next time you make a mistake, see how quickly you can bounce back.
Take one deep breath, say “next play,” and get back to work.
The faster you reset, the stronger your mindset becomes.
Mistakes don’t define you — your response does.
❤️ The Parents’ Bleachers
Quick Hit from the Sideline: Be Their Safety Net, Not Their Critic
Everything we’ve said to coaches? It goes double for parents.
You have more influence than anyone else in your child’s sports journey. What they hear from you — on the ride home, at the dinner table, or after a tough game — becomes their inner voice.
So speak life into them. Praise effort. Offer correction without shame.
Remind them that mistakes are part of growing.
Let them know: you’re proud of who they’re becoming, not just how they perform.
📬 Call to Action
🎧 Parent Challenge: Ask your athlete this after their next game:
“What’s one moment you’re proud of, and one thing you’re working on?”
Then just listen.
📝 Coaching Note: Try going one full practice giving only positive reinforcement and specific, actionable feedback.
No punishment. No sarcasm. See how they respond.
📣 If this hit home, forward it to a coach or parent who needs to hear it.
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