đYelling vs Coaching: The Hidden Cost of 'Motivation'
âYouâll run until I get tired if you make that mistake again.â
Weâve all heard this kind of âcoaching.â Maybe it was directed at you. Maybe youâve said it. But stop and ask yourself:
Is this actually coaching?
Coaching is the intentional development of an athleteâs performance, mindset, and character â through instruction, correction, encouragement, and strategic challenge â all aimed at helping them become more capable than they were yesterday. On and off the field.
So, which part of that statement helps a player grow?
Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden once said:
âA coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.â
Itâs not just a feel-good philosophy. Studies show that aggressive yelling and beratement may create a short burst of compliance â but almost always at the cost of performance, confidence, and love for the game.
Athletes under aggressive coaching often play tense. They fear making mistakes more than they desire to improve. Their brains may even shut down under stress, blocking learning altogether â a neurological safety mechanism that mimics PTSD symptoms. So instead of getting better, they freeze, and make even more mistakes.
𧏠The Insight
What works for adults in movies doesnât work for youth athletes in real life.
Aggressive yelling may look dramatic on the sidelines, but itâs counterproductive â especially if your goal is to win.
Research, experience, and common sense agree: kids donât thrive under fear. They thrive under belief.
đ„The Story
I saw this play out in real time â and I was the one who got it wrong.
My daughter watched strike three go by without swinging. I held back my anger, but I still told her, quietly, âIf you do that again, youâre going to run.â
She looked crushed. Then she had to pitch â with my comment weighing on her.
It wasnât coaching. It wasnât fathering. I realized it wasnât even fair. I apologized later, but the moment had already cost her clarity and confidence.
It cost me, too.
đ The Shift
Iâve also seen the other side.
One girl on our team started the season barely swinging the bat. But every time she made contact â even just tipping the ball â we celebrated her progress. Slowly, her confidence grew.
In our last tournament, she stepped up, swung with purpose, and got a hit.
She didnât need fear. She needed belief.
đ§ The Takeaway
Our job isnât just to teach the game. Itâs to teach kids to love it â and love the work it takes to improve.
If they associate mistakes with shame, theyâll stop trying. But if they see mistakes as a normal part of getting better, theyâll play free, push hard, and grow.
đ
The Playerâs Field
Mindset Move: The Bounce-Back Challenge
Great athletes donât avoid mistakes â they recover from them faster.
This weekâs challenge:
Next time you make a mistake, see how quickly you can bounce back.
Take one deep breath, say ânext play,â and get back to work.
The faster you reset, the stronger your mindset becomes.
Mistakes donât define you â your response does.
â€ïž The Parentsâ Bleachers
Quick Hit from the Sideline: Be Their Safety Net, Not Their Critic
Everything weâve said to coaches? It goes double for parents.
You have more influence than anyone else in your childâs sports journey. What they hear from you â on the ride home, at the dinner table, or after a tough game â becomes their inner voice.
So speak life into them. Praise effort. Offer correction without shame.
Remind them that mistakes are part of growing.
Let them know: youâre proud of who theyâre becoming, not just how they perform.
đŹ Call to Action
đ§ Parent Challenge: Ask your athlete this after their next game:
âWhatâs one moment youâre proud of, and one thing youâre working on?â
Then just listen.
đ Coaching Note: Try going one full practice giving only positive reinforcement and specific, actionable feedback.
No punishment. No sarcasm. See how they respond.
đŁ If this hit home, forward it to a coach or parent who needs to hear it.
Or share a quote from this article and tag us [@TheSportsCatalyst].