👂The Inner Voice

There’s a sound that sticks with kids long after the game ends.

It’s not the whistle.
It’s not the crowd.
It’s not even the coach.

It’s your voice.

Not just what you say once, but what you say over and over.

Picture the drive home.

Windows cracked. Gear tossed in the back. The game already fading, except it isn’t really fading at all.

Your athlete is quiet. You can feel them replaying something. A missed shot. A strikeout. A dropped pass. Maybe a great play too.

And then you speak.

Not dramatically. Not intentionally. Just something familiar.

“You’ve got to focus more.”
“Why do you always rush?”
“You’re better than that.”
“Shake it off.”

You say it because you care.
You say it because you’ve said it before.

What most parents don’t realize is this: that sentence doesn’t end in the car. It keeps playing.

🧠 The Insight

Psychologists sometimes call this the voice replay effect.

Kids internalize the most repeated messages from the adults they trust. Over time, those messages stop sounding like a parent and start sounding like their own thoughts.

That inner voice shows up in the batter’s box.
On the free throw line.
Before tryouts.
After mistakes.

In Parenting with Love and Logic, Foster Cline and Jim Fay make a simple but uncomfortable point:
kids believe what they hear repeatedly, not what we explain once.

🏈 The Story

I’ve watched this play out more times than I can count.

Two athletes. Similar talent. Same team. Same drills.

One hears, week after week:
“You figure things out.”
“I trust you to handle it.”
“That’s part of learning.”

The other hears:
“Be careful.”
“Don’t mess this up.”
“You need to be smarter.”

Fast forward a season.

One athlete takes risks, adjusts, recovers quickly from mistakes.
The other hesitates. Overthinks. Looks to the sideline after every rep.

Nothing magical happened. No speech. No breakthrough moment.

Just repetition.

🔁 The Shift

Most parents think the biggest influence is what they say after big moments.

It’s not.

It’s what they say on ordinary days.

The phrase you default to when you’re tired.
The comment you toss out without thinking.
The tone you use when things go sideways.

That becomes the soundtrack.

🧭 The Takeaway

Your athlete doesn’t need more feedback.

They need a better inner voice.

And you help write it, one repeated phrase at a time.

👊 Put It Into Practice

This week, choose one phrase and use it intentionally.

Not ten. One.

Examples that actually hold up under pressure:

• “You’ll figure it out.”
• “Mistakes are part of the deal.”
• “I trust your effort.”
• “Compete, then we’ll learn.”

Say it when they succeed.
Say it when they struggle.
Say it when you’re tempted to say something else.

🏅 The Locker Room

Mindset Move: Choose the Loop

Every athlete has a loop playing in their head during competition.

You don’t control everything in their environment.
But you do influence the loop.

Make it steady. Make it useful. Make it repeatable.

❤️ The Parents’ Bleachers

If you’re unsure what voice you’ve been reinforcing, listen closely this week.

Not to your athlete.
To yourself.

Pay attention to what comes out when you’re stressed, disappointed, or rushed.

That’s the voice they borrow later.

Change the repetition, and you change the replay.

⚡ BE THE CATALYST

What’s the one phrase you want your athlete to hear in their own head when the moment gets big?

Pick it. Repeat it. Let it do the work.