🙌Praise What They Can Control
Not every great game deserves the most important praise.
That may sound strange at first.
When your athlete scores twice, hits a home run, makes a huge tackle, or wins the match, it feels natural to say, “Great job!” and move on. There is nothing wrong with celebrating success. Kids should enjoy the scoreboard sometimes. They should feel the joy of a breakthrough.
But if the loudest praise always follows the biggest outcome, kids quietly start learning a dangerous lesson:
I am most valuable when I produce.
That is a heavy message for a young athlete to carry.
Because some days the ball does not bounce their way. Some days the shot does not fall. Some days they do everything right and still lose.
If praise only shows up after the result, confidence gets tied to performance. And when performance dips, identity can dip with it.
That is why process praise matters so much.
🧠 The Insight
Carol Dweck’s work on mindset helped make one truth clearer for parents, coaches, and athletes:
What we praise teaches kids what matters.
When we consistently praise outcomes, kids can begin to believe success is about proving something. But when we praise effort, persistence, adjustment, focus, courage, preparation, and response, we teach them that growth lives in the things they can actually control.
That matters in sports because outcomes are never fully theirs to command.
Your athlete cannot control the umpire.
They cannot control the referee.
They cannot control whether the other team is stronger, faster, older, or deeper.
They cannot control bad hops, weather, or game momentum.
But they can control how they prepare.
They can control how they communicate.
They can control whether they sprint, recover, compete, reset, and stay coachable.
And when praise consistently lands there, confidence gets built on something much sturdier than stats.
🏈 The Story
Picture two rides home after the same game.
In the first one, the athlete had a great day. Maybe she scored. Maybe he had two hits. Maybe she played lights out on defense.
The parent says, “You were amazing today. Great job scoring. Great game.”
The athlete smiles. That feels good.
Now picture the next game.
This time there is no goal. No hit. No medal. No big moment. Just a gritty performance that may not show up anywhere obvious in the box score.
She hustled every rep.
He encouraged teammates when things got tense.
She bounced back after an error.
He listened, adjusted, and stayed engaged.
If the praise disappears because the result disappeared, the message changes.
Now the athlete starts wondering:
Did I only do well when I got the outcome?
Did I only make you proud when it showed on the scoreboard?
That is why process praise is so powerful.
It tells kids:
I see what you’re becoming, not just what you produced today.
🔁 The Shift
Instead of saying:
“Great job scoring.”
Try:
“I’m proud of how hard you kept running all game.”
Instead of:
“You were the best player out there.”
Try:
“I loved how engaged you stayed even when things were not going your way.”
Instead of:
“You’re such a natural.”
Try:
“You can tell your work is paying off.”
That shift may sound small, but it changes everything.
Outcome praise can make kids chase approval.
Process praise helps kids build ownership.
Outcome praise says, “You did something impressive.”
Process praise says, “You are learning how to work, respond, and grow.”
One celebrates a moment.
The other builds a person.
🧭 The Takeaway
The goal is not to never praise outcomes.
Celebrate the big hit.
Celebrate the goal.
Celebrate the win.
Celebrate the breakthrough.
But do not stop there.
The deeper praise should land on the things that travel with them into every season of life:
Their grit.
Their response.
Their preparation.
Their focus.
Their attitude.
Their resilience.
Their willingness to keep going.
Because when athletes learn to value what they can control, they stop living and dying with every result.
And that is where long-term confidence starts.
Not in being told they are amazing when things go well.
But in knowing they can bring effort, discipline, and growth with them no matter what the scoreboard says.
👊 Put It Into Practice
This week, look for three chances to praise process before outcome.
You might say:
“I’m proud of how you kept talking to your teammates.”
“I noticed you reset quickly after that mistake.”
“You stayed locked in even when the game got frustrating.”
“I loved the way you hustled without being asked.”
“You responded really well to coaching today.”
Be specific.
Kids need more than vague encouragement. “Good job” is nice, but it does not teach much. Specific praise tells them exactly what to repeat.
That is how praise becomes a tool, not just a reaction.
🏅 The Locker Room
Athletes, here is the truth:
You will not always get the result you want.
That does not mean the day was wasted.
If you competed hard, stayed coachable, responded to adversity, encouraged others, and kept showing up, that counts. A lot.
Do not build your confidence only on points, times, wins, or highlights.
Build it on habits nobody can take from you.
That kind of confidence lasts longer.
❤️ The Parents’ Bleachers
Parents, your words carry weight.
You are helping shape what your athlete notices about themselves.
If all they hear is praise when they produce, they may start believing their value rises and falls with performance.
But if they hear praise for courage, effort, focus, resilience, preparation, and attitude, they begin to build an identity that can survive both victory and disappointment.
That does not make them soft.
It makes them stable.
And stable athletes are much harder to shake.
So yes, cheer the home run.
But also praise the at-bat where they battled back from 0-2 and competed.
Praise the sprint back to position.
Praise the body language after the mistake.
Praise the way they treated a teammate.
Praise the work that most people missed.
That is the kind of praise that grows roots.
⚡ BE THE CATALYST
This week, give your athlete three process-based praises before you mention any result.
Not just:
“Great game.”
Try:
“I’m proud of your hustle.”
“I noticed your composure.”
“I loved how coachable you were.”
“I saw the way you kept competing.”
Because the scoreboard can build excitement.
But the right praise builds a foundation.